Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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