I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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