Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
