just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
