i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
