Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
