you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
