Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
