I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
