Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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