i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
