I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
