Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
