You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
