Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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