they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
