i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
