I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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