just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
