So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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