You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
