omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
