I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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