i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
tell me about the eggs
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
