I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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