no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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