you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
