I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
