Im at strip club and am horny
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
