i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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