My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Every concussion has its silver lining
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
