The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
