He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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