I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
