Slut skills are useful in every country.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
