Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
