KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
