I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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