He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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