Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
