Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
