bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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