haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
