i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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