took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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