Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
