i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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