Small penises have feelings too.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
