I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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