Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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