You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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