I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
