So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize