"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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