I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize