i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
