I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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