is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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