Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
