Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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