He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
