How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
