Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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