I'm sorry my penis didn't work
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
