two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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