Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
