I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
