You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize