Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
operation harelip BJ is a go
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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