There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
