All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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