either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
