I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
be right there i have to get my cape
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize