Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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